The Balm of Belonging
… when applied, softens the ache of loneliness. The power of community to heal each other.
I had a panic attack two weeks ago. It’s very unusual for me to feel like I’m actively dying. I was terrified. That’s a hard thing for me to admit. I hate to talk about these things because it feels like I’m complaining and I don’t like bothering people (that’s the people-pleaser in me).
I felt like I was losing my mind, but my support network of family and friends were vital in helping me through my difficult time. All of these people have reached their hands out for me to take, and with each person I spoke with the pressure in my chest eased and the panic that gripped me for days slowly abated into a faint dullness. I will always be so thankful for each and every one of them.
The title of this post comes from when I attended an Imbolc women’s circle on the 31st of January. I chatted with the women afterwards, as is tradition (time flew by well into the night!), and I spoke to one lovely sister in particular. We discussed how helpful being at circle is for all of us in different ways. For me it allows me to belong to a community and connect with amazing women every month, and the sister I spoke to described it as a balm.
A balm is something used to soothe and calm. In this world there always seems to be a great deal that could do with community and belonging. According to Mind, a UK mental health charity ‘The amount of people with common mental health problems went up by 20% between 1993 to 2014, in both men and women’, and in their Big Mental Health Report 2024 they found that ‘7.8% of adults in the UK felt lonely ‘always or often’’ which is a 0.8% increase from the year before.
It’s clear that mental health problems are on the rise alongside the loneliness epidemic. This is where social connections and community come to the rescue. The World Health Organisation proposes that the physical and mental health of both the individual and the community all depend on the quality of these social connections in spaces such as workplaces, schools and neighbourhoods.
I believe that community aids in the ebbing of loneliness and the ease of belonging, just like my experiences with the women’s circles I attend. For me, despite the global rising strain in mental health problems, belonging to a community helps me to feel less alone in my experiences, because chances are someone else has been through something similar. Connection can be built with that.
So how can we be a part of a community?
Easier said than done. We must seek it out, create it, and fight for it.
I myself had been looking for local women’s circles for the better part of two years before I stumbled across a poster on my local walk. I had always craved that sense of belonging that made me feel like I lived in a small village rather than a big city. It’s interesting how even though I live in a big city and am surrounded by so many people, it’s so easy to feel lonely…
As of now, I’ve been steadily attending these monthly women’s circles coming up for 6 months now and I’m so glad I opened myself up to the opportunity to connect with amazing women. These women reached out to me after my grandma died and, along with my family and friends, it felt so good to have people to lean on and not have to deal with those feelings of grief alone, like a warm hug and a cup of tea. Relief in a turbulent time.
The Power of Voice Notes
I also wanted to share something that I learned recently: voice notes are more personal than texts. My preferred method of contacting people is texting; I like how I can take time to shape the words in just the right way, using my voice feels un-practiced and clumsy. It came as a surprise to me that my friends from the women’s circles pretty much only send voice notes.
At first I was confused, why send voice messages when you can text? I’ve found that the answer is simple: it fosters a deeper connection between us.
With every voice note I listened to, I found that I enjoyed listening to their messages, it felt more real than a text. In a Vox article, they say that ‘Voice messages give us some of the emotional depth and nuance that’s missing from bite-size texts that compress our feelings.’
I seriously underestimated the power of the voice note.
I’ve started to send voice notes occasionally myself. It’s a bit nerve wracking, but I want my friends to also feel the happiness and connection that I felt from them when a notification for my message pops up on their phone.
Some ideas for what you can do to build community
Volunteer - if you have the time and the energy to volunteer, it’s incredibly rewarding! I actually started out volunteering for a local hospice charity in 2021 while going through a depressive episode (I was poked by my dad a lot to get out of the house which was annoying but also very helpful). It helped me so much to meet new people, some of which I still call friends today!
To start volunteering I would suggest researching charities local to you and that align with your values. Do you want to work with animals or people? Do you want to work in the back of the house or at the front of a shop? This process is also about getting to know yourself as well as your local community.
Notice Boards - taking a walk or going to your local library may be something you want to work into your routine. A lot of the events in my community that I’ve been to I found through notice boards in my local area. For example, I attended a bat walk in one of my local parks just because I saw it advertised on a notice board.
I find that a lot of events advertised this way are either free or have a small and affordable fee. This is a great way to get out there and meet people with similar interests to you.
Hobby Groups - I have yet to find one of these, but I don’t think I’m actively looking hard enough. Hobby groups just mean connecting with people with a shared hobby! You could join a choir, a sewing/knitting/crochet group, a book club, the possibilities are endless!
Make your own - this is a bit more time consuming I admit and it makes me a little nervous. I would probably make my own crochet group if I had the time.
You can use the ideas listed above or your own to create your own community. Start a knitting club, book club or hiking club, the world is your oyster. You never know: some people may be looking for something you want to create.
I have built my own support network and I hadn’t even realised I’d done it. It happened slow and naturally, kind of like a tree growing; reaching down to secure roots and branches reaching out.
Wherever you are in your journeys, I hope you also get to experience this kind of community 💖